Costers and Cockneys
“Ere y’are, Lidies’ Tormentors. ‘Two’ n penny!”
Costers and Cockneys
“I ’ear as you don’t walk hout with ’Arry Smith any more.” “No, ’e wanted me to meet ’im incandescently, and I wouldn’t do such a thing, so I chucked ’im.”
Costers and Cockneys
’Arriet.—“Ow! I s’y, look at ’is bloomin’ ’At.”
Costers and Cockneys
“Wot’s th’ row up the Court, Bill?” “Bob Smith was kissing my missus, and ’is old woman caught ’im.
Costers and Cockneys
One Easter Monday. ’Arriet (watching the funeral of ’Liza).—“Nice sort of a Bank ’Oliday for ’er, poor dear.”
Costers and Cockneys
“What price this for Margit.”
Costers and Cockneys
Fat Party (after a war of words).—“If you come down our court to-morrer and bring a bit o’ fat with yer, I’ll bloomin’ well eat yer.”
Costers and Cockneys
“Ow I s’y, look at ’er frills. Got ’erself hup like a bloomin’ ’am bone!”
Brother Brushes
“Do you want a Muddle. Sir.”
Brother Brushes
First R.A. (who hates to be interrupted in his hobby but is doing his best to be polite).—“Done any work to-day?” Second R.A.—“No, confound it. That stupid ass Brown came to the studio and talked all the afternoon,—couldn’t do a stroke of work. What do you do when some idiot comes and interrupts your work?” First R.A.—“Oh, I go on weeding.”
Arthur says when he is at your house he acts just like one of the family
“Arthur says when he is at your house he acts just like one of the family.” “Yes, he seems to be just as much afraid of my wife as I am.”
Botany in the Bowery
“Where did you get those flowers, little girl? Off a tree?” “No, sir.” “Off a bush?” “No, sir.” “Where?” “Off a lady.”
Can you come to the jeweler’s with me to-morrow, dearest
“Can you come to the jeweler’s with me to-morrow, dearest? I’d like you to choose the ring yourself.” “In that case perhaps you’d better save up a little longer, darling.”
Christmas Eve Visitors
Do women propose
Mr. Wooden always wanted a tall, serious wife, while his friend Chubb intended to marry a cheery little woman.
Do you think you will be able to keep within your allowance this month
Husband: Do you think you will be able to keep within your allowance this month? “I’m afraid so.”
Don’t you get awful tired of doin’ what you’re told
“Between me an’ you, Uncle Jasper, don’t you get awful tired of doin’ what you’re told? Don’t be scared to answer. I won’t give you away to Aunt Jane.”
Even the fish have feelings
Everyman to his taste
Famous Actor
Famous Actor: Oh, yes, I’m married, but I always think it’s kind o’ tough on a girl that marries one of us travelin’ men. “Still, it might be worse. I suppose you’re away from home most of the time.”
Frederick enjoys the flower show in our village
Have you ever written any editorials
Editor: Have you ever written any editorials? College Graduate: No, sir; but I think I might train my mind down to it.
Her Dance
Household Decoration
Mantel ornaments for domestic cheer.
I don’t think married life is ever happy, anyway
“I don’t think married life is ever happy, anyway.” “Then, why don’t you divorce your husband?” “I’d rather quarrel with him than with strangers.”
I had a poet on one side and a millionaire on the other
“I had a poet on one side and a millionaire on the other.” “What did you talk about?” “I talked to the poet about money and to the millionaire about the intellectual life.”
In the Clouds
It’s perfectly awful the way you continue to flirt with your old sweethearts
He: It’s perfectly awful the way you continue to flirt with your old sweethearts. I don’t believe you love me any more. And yet, before we were married, you told me I was a man of a thousand. She: So you were, my dear, so you were. But I can’t entirely forget the other nine hundred and ninety-nine.
Keeping Neutral
Ladies and Gentlemen
Leap Year
He: You never compliment me any more on my appearance. She: Oh, charming! Charming! Charming!
Looking over his latest investments
Meeting her sister's city friends
Mobilizing for the summer campaign
Our uncharted coast
Very dangerous.
Out of Work
Present plight of the European Debutante
Sarah, what is that I smell
Skimpy Mistress (scenting unaccustomed delights): Sarah, what is that I smell? Undernourished Maid of all Work: I think it must come in from next door.
Seventh Inning - Everybody up
Studies in Expression
Making it a jack pot.
Studies in Expression
Reading the play.
Studies in Expression
Waiting for the flashlight.
Temptation
Just before it’s too late.
That sofa must have been made for two
He: That sofa must have been made for two. She: It’s hardly short enough for that.
That’s a fine dog you have there. What breed is it
“That’s a fine dog you have there. What breed is it?” “Sh! Not so loud! He thinks he’s a bulldog.”
The Announcement of her engagement
The latest craze
The latest things in mens styles
The Reason dinner was late
The Third Generation
The Wonders of nature
Fond Grandparent: I was exactly like him at his age.
Three hundred dollars for that gown
“Three hundred dollars for that gown! Didn’t you get anything off?” “All I dared.”
Tragic Moments
His fiancée sees Captain von Hoffenfeffer in civilian clothes for the first time.
Tragic Moments
When your mother shows your best girl the door.
Tragic Moments
When your rich aunt arrives unexpectedly and finds you haven’t hung the portrait she sent you at Christmas.
Tragic Moments
Dad is introduced to the man of her choice—“the nicest, sweetest thing in all the world."
Tragic Moments
Which shall be her sphere?
Tragic Moments
The Rev. —— reads his latest comedy to his niece.
Tragic Moments
Strong-minded Lady (on meeting the bride and groom): I trust you will be as happy as we have been.
Tragic Moments 9
The one night a week that he dines at home.