- Aren’t there a couple of young men in there with Clara
“Aren’t there a couple of young men in there with Clara?” “No, only one. There isn’t a sound.” - Are you going to volunteer
She: Are you going to volunteer? He: If yes, no. If no, yes. - Another case of trying to keep neutral
Couple sitting on a park bench not really communicating - Studies in Expression
Making it a jack pot. - Advice to the mentally feeble
Keep the mouth closed. - Tragic Moments
The first stormy night in the cottage you have rented for the summer. - Costers and Cockneys
“I ’ear as you don’t walk hout with ’Arry Smith any more.” “No, ’e wanted me to meet ’im incandescently, and I wouldn’t do such a thing, so I chucked ’im.” - Who is that tramping around overhead
He: Who is that tramping around overhead? She: Oh, that’s only papa. He always gets restless towards morning. - We have had a terrible scrap
He: We have had a terrible scrap. “And I came out ahead.” “No. I did. You accepted my apology.” - Can you come to the jeweler’s with me to-morrow, dearest
“Can you come to the jeweler’s with me to-morrow, dearest? I’d like you to choose the ring yourself.” “In that case perhaps you’d better save up a little longer, darling.” - Brother Brushes
First R.A. (who hates to be interrupted in his hobby but is doing his best to be polite).—“Done any work to-day?” Second R.A.—“No, confound it. That stupid ass Brown came to the studio and talked all the afternoon,—couldn’t do a stroke of work. What do you do when some idiot comes and interrupts your work?” First R.A.—“Oh, I go on weeding.” - Why aren’t you ready, Isabel
“Why aren’t you ready, Isabel? You know very well the opera begins at eight-fifteen.” “Oh! Gracious! I forgot all about it. I’ve been so busy writing this article on preparedness.” - Three hundred dollars for that gown
“Three hundred dollars for that gown! Didn’t you get anything off?” “All I dared.” - When they get their rights
“It’s only fair to warn you that my son has never had a father’s care and doesn’t know the first thing about housekeeping.” - Tragic Moments 9
The one night a week that he dines at home. - Leap Year
He: You never compliment me any more on my appearance. She: Oh, charming! Charming! Charming! - Studies in Expression
Reading the play. - Tragic Moments
Which shall be her sphere? - Costers and Cockneys
“Ow I s’y, look at ’er frills. Got ’erself hup like a bloomin’ ’am bone!” - Brother Brushes
“Do you want a Muddle. Sir.” - Costers and Cockneys
“What price this for Margit.” - Costers and Cockneys
Fat Party (after a war of words).—“If you come down our court to-morrer and bring a bit o’ fat with yer, I’ll bloomin’ well eat yer.” - Do women propose
Mr. Wooden always wanted a tall, serious wife, while his friend Chubb intended to marry a cheery little woman. - It’s perfectly awful the way you continue to flirt with your old sweethearts
He: It’s perfectly awful the way you continue to flirt with your old sweethearts. I don’t believe you love me any more. And yet, before we were married, you told me I was a man of a thousand. She: So you were, my dear, so you were. But I can’t entirely forget the other nine hundred and ninety-nine. - I don’t think married life is ever happy, anyway
“I don’t think married life is ever happy, anyway.” “Then, why don’t you divorce your husband?” “I’d rather quarrel with him than with strangers.” - Among those not invited
- Also Brave
The parson’s wife. - Advice to the mentally feeble
Keep out of politics. - All sorts of pups
- Tragic Moments
When your rich aunt arrives unexpectedly and finds you haven’t hung the portrait she sent you at Christmas. - All women look alike
The plump one complains that the modern fashions make all women too much alike. - The latest things in mens styles
- You don’t mean to say, Estelle, that you are tired of settlement work
“You don’t mean to say, Estelle, that you are tired of settlement work?” “But, Auntie, dear, poor people are so monotonous.” - The Third Generation
- Studies in Expression
Waiting for the flashlight. - A Story from the Front
- The Reason dinner was late
- A tragic moment for Smyth
A tragic moment for Smyth (who married for a home) Mrs. S. (who has the money) objects to the size of his tailor’s bill. - Tragic Moments
Trying to be appreciative while the author of the verses looks over your shoulder. - Also Brave
An outsider at one of Mrs. Catchem’s evenings. - When Grandpa thinks of his mother
- Advice to the mentally feeble
By all means marry for a home. - The Wonders of nature
Fond Grandparent: I was exactly like him at his age. - Out of Work
- A dog's life
- A widow
Little Sister: A widow? What’s a widow? Big Sister: A lady what’s had a husband and is goin’ to have another. - That’s a fine dog you have there. What breed is it
“That’s a fine dog you have there. What breed is it?” “Sh! Not so loud! He thinks he’s a bulldog.” - Advice to the mentally feeble
Never by any chance stay at home. - The latest craze
- Tragic Moments
The Rev. —— reads his latest comedy to his niece. - When women vote
Mrs. Jones officially notified of her election as sheriff. - Mobilizing for the summer campaign
- Advice to the mentally feeble
Go back to the stable as soon as possible - A Saving Grace
“Louise, I really cannot permit you to read novels on Sunday.” “But, Grandmamma, this novel is all right; it tells about a girl who was engaged to three Episcopal clergymen, all at once.” - Temptation
Just before it’s too late. - Costers and Cockneys
“Ere y’are, Lidies’ Tormentors. ‘Two’ n penny!” - The Announcement of her engagement
- Sarah, what is that I smell
Skimpy Mistress (scenting unaccustomed delights): Sarah, what is that I smell? Undernourished Maid of all Work: I think it must come in from next door. - Tragic Moments
His fiancée sees Captain von Hoffenfeffer in civilian clothes for the first time. - Tragic Moments
Dad is introduced to the man of her choice—“the nicest, sweetest thing in all the world."