- Frederick enjoys the flower show in our village
- I had a poet on one side and a millionaire on the other
“I had a poet on one side and a millionaire on the other.” “What did you talk about?” “I talked to the poet about money and to the millionaire about the intellectual life.” - Have you ever written any editorials
Editor: Have you ever written any editorials? College Graduate: No, sir; but I think I might train my mind down to it. - Don’t you get awful tired of doin’ what you’re told
“Between me an’ you, Uncle Jasper, don’t you get awful tired of doin’ what you’re told? Don’t be scared to answer. I won’t give you away to Aunt Jane.” - Household Decoration
Mantel ornaments for domestic cheer. - Her Dance
- Arthur says when he is at your house he acts just like one of the family
“Arthur says when he is at your house he acts just like one of the family.” “Yes, he seems to be just as much afraid of my wife as I am.” - Famous Actor
Famous Actor: Oh, yes, I’m married, but I always think it’s kind o’ tough on a girl that marries one of us travelin’ men. “Still, it might be worse. I suppose you’re away from home most of the time.” - In the Clouds
- Botany in the Bowery
“Where did you get those flowers, little girl? Off a tree?” “No, sir.” “Off a bush?” “No, sir.” “Where?” “Off a lady.” - Even the fish have feelings
- Do you think you will be able to keep within your allowance this month
Husband: Do you think you will be able to keep within your allowance this month? “I’m afraid so.” - Keeping Neutral
- Meeting her sister's city friends
- Everyman to his taste
- Tragic Moments
Strong-minded Lady (on meeting the bride and groom): I trust you will be as happy as we have been. - Christmas Eve Visitors
- Tragic Moments
Something wrong somewhere—time 8.55 and still waiting for dinner to be announced. - Looking over his latest investments
- Ladies and Gentlemen
- Present plight of the European Debutante
- That sofa must have been made for two
He: That sofa must have been made for two. She: It’s hardly short enough for that. - Tragic Moments
When your mother shows your best girl the door. - Seventh Inning - Everybody up
- Our uncharted coast
Very dangerous. - Tragic Moments
A susceptible young man trying to make up his mind which way to turn. - Tragic Moments
His fiancée sees Captain von Hoffenfeffer in civilian clothes for the first time. - Tragic Moments
Dad is introduced to the man of her choice—“the nicest, sweetest thing in all the world." - Sarah, what is that I smell
Skimpy Mistress (scenting unaccustomed delights): Sarah, what is that I smell? Undernourished Maid of all Work: I think it must come in from next door. - The Announcement of her engagement
- Temptation
Just before it’s too late. - The latest craze
- Advice to the mentally feeble
Go back to the stable as soon as possible - A Saving Grace
“Louise, I really cannot permit you to read novels on Sunday.” “But, Grandmamma, this novel is all right; it tells about a girl who was engaged to three Episcopal clergymen, all at once.” - Mobilizing for the summer campaign
- When women vote
Mrs. Jones officially notified of her election as sheriff. - Tragic Moments
The Rev. —— reads his latest comedy to his niece. - That’s a fine dog you have there. What breed is it
“That’s a fine dog you have there. What breed is it?” “Sh! Not so loud! He thinks he’s a bulldog.” - Advice to the mentally feeble
Never by any chance stay at home. - A widow
Little Sister: A widow? What’s a widow? Big Sister: A lady what’s had a husband and is goin’ to have another. - A dog's life
- Out of Work
- The Wonders of nature
Fond Grandparent: I was exactly like him at his age. - Advice to the mentally feeble
By all means marry for a home. - Tragic Moments
Trying to be appreciative while the author of the verses looks over your shoulder. - A tragic moment for Smyth
A tragic moment for Smyth (who married for a home) Mrs. S. (who has the money) objects to the size of his tailor’s bill. - The Reason dinner was late
- When Grandpa thinks of his mother
- Also Brave
An outsider at one of Mrs. Catchem’s evenings. - Studies in Expression
Waiting for the flashlight. - A Story from the Front
- All women look alike
The plump one complains that the modern fashions make all women too much alike. - You don’t mean to say, Estelle, that you are tired of settlement work
“You don’t mean to say, Estelle, that you are tired of settlement work?” “But, Auntie, dear, poor people are so monotonous.” - The latest things in mens styles
- The Third Generation
- Tragic Moments
When your rich aunt arrives unexpectedly and finds you haven’t hung the portrait she sent you at Christmas. - All sorts of pups
- Also Brave
The parson’s wife. - Advice to the mentally feeble
Keep out of politics. - Among those not invited