Arthur says when he is at your house he acts just like one of the family
“Arthur says when he is at your house he acts just like one of the family.” “Yes, he seems to be just as much afraid of my wife as I am.”
Botany in the Bowery
“Where did you get those flowers, little girl? Off a tree?” “No, sir.” “Off a bush?” “No, sir.” “Where?” “Off a lady.”
Can you come to the jeweler’s with me to-morrow, dearest
“Can you come to the jeweler’s with me to-morrow, dearest? I’d like you to choose the ring yourself.” “In that case perhaps you’d better save up a little longer, darling.”
Christmas Eve Visitors
Do women propose
Mr. Wooden always wanted a tall, serious wife, while his friend Chubb intended to marry a cheery little woman.
Do you think you will be able to keep within your allowance this month
Husband: Do you think you will be able to keep within your allowance this month? “I’m afraid so.”
Don’t you get awful tired of doin’ what you’re told
“Between me an’ you, Uncle Jasper, don’t you get awful tired of doin’ what you’re told? Don’t be scared to answer. I won’t give you away to Aunt Jane.”
Even the fish have feelings
Everyman to his taste
Famous Actor
Famous Actor: Oh, yes, I’m married, but I always think it’s kind o’ tough on a girl that marries one of us travelin’ men. “Still, it might be worse. I suppose you’re away from home most of the time.”
Frederick enjoys the flower show in our village
Have you ever written any editorials
Editor: Have you ever written any editorials? College Graduate: No, sir; but I think I might train my mind down to it.
Her Dance
Household Decoration
Mantel ornaments for domestic cheer.
I don’t think married life is ever happy, anyway
“I don’t think married life is ever happy, anyway.” “Then, why don’t you divorce your husband?” “I’d rather quarrel with him than with strangers.”
I had a poet on one side and a millionaire on the other
“I had a poet on one side and a millionaire on the other.” “What did you talk about?” “I talked to the poet about money and to the millionaire about the intellectual life.”
In the Clouds
It’s perfectly awful the way you continue to flirt with your old sweethearts
He: It’s perfectly awful the way you continue to flirt with your old sweethearts. I don’t believe you love me any more. And yet, before we were married, you told me I was a man of a thousand. She: So you were, my dear, so you were. But I can’t entirely forget the other nine hundred and ninety-nine.
Keeping Neutral
Ladies and Gentlemen
Leap Year
He: You never compliment me any more on my appearance. She: Oh, charming! Charming! Charming!
Looking over his latest investments
Meeting her sister's city friends
Mobilizing for the summer campaign
Our uncharted coast
Very dangerous.
Out of Work
Present plight of the European Debutante
Sarah, what is that I smell
Skimpy Mistress (scenting unaccustomed delights): Sarah, what is that I smell? Undernourished Maid of all Work: I think it must come in from next door.
Seventh Inning - Everybody up
Studies in Expression
Making it a jack pot.
Studies in Expression
Reading the play.
Studies in Expression
Waiting for the flashlight.
Temptation
Just before it’s too late.
That sofa must have been made for two
He: That sofa must have been made for two. She: It’s hardly short enough for that.
That’s a fine dog you have there. What breed is it
“That’s a fine dog you have there. What breed is it?” “Sh! Not so loud! He thinks he’s a bulldog.”
The Announcement of her engagement
The latest craze
The latest things in mens styles
The Reason dinner was late
The Third Generation
The Wonders of nature
Fond Grandparent: I was exactly like him at his age.
Three hundred dollars for that gown
“Three hundred dollars for that gown! Didn’t you get anything off?” “All I dared.”
Tragic Moments
His fiancée sees Captain von Hoffenfeffer in civilian clothes for the first time.
Tragic Moments
When your mother shows your best girl the door.
Tragic Moments
When your rich aunt arrives unexpectedly and finds you haven’t hung the portrait she sent you at Christmas.
Tragic Moments
Dad is introduced to the man of her choice—“the nicest, sweetest thing in all the world."
Tragic Moments
Which shall be her sphere?
Tragic Moments
The Rev. —— reads his latest comedy to his niece.
Tragic Moments
Strong-minded Lady (on meeting the bride and groom): I trust you will be as happy as we have been.
Tragic Moments 9
The one night a week that he dines at home.
Tragic Moments
A susceptible young man trying to make up his mind which way to turn.
Tragic Moments
Something wrong somewhere—time 8.55 and still waiting for dinner to be announced.
Tragic Moments
The first stormy night in the cottage you have rented for the summer.
Tragic Moments
Trying to be appreciative while the author of the verses looks over your shoulder.
We have had a terrible scrap
He: We have had a terrible scrap. “And I came out ahead.” “No. I did. You accepted my apology.”
When Grandpa thinks of his mother
When they get their rights
“It’s only fair to warn you that my son has never had a father’s care and doesn’t know the first thing about housekeeping.”
When women vote
Mrs. Jones officially notified of her election as sheriff.
Who is that tramping around overhead
He: Who is that tramping around overhead? She: Oh, that’s only papa. He always gets restless towards morning.
Why aren’t you ready, Isabel
“Why aren’t you ready, Isabel? You know very well the opera begins at eight-fifteen.” “Oh! Gracious! I forgot all about it. I’ve been so busy writing this article on preparedness.”